Is it or isn't it?

Living with a mast cell disorder, I personally wonder about everything....is it because of the mast cell thing, or is it something else?

I was born with dark auburn hair. Not quite red, but not quite brown. As a child, I hated being a red-head (because auburn is considered red hair in the eyes of the world) because having red hair was not cool....you had to be blonde to be important....I tried everything to dye my hair blonde...all I got was orange. I even stripped the color from my hair so that when I put the color on, I would have beautiful blonde hair! Except that time, it turned glow in the dark neon orange......so I gave up. I remember when I was in fifth grade, one of the teachers approached me (she wasn't my teacher) and she just went on and on about my hair. The following Monday, she came to school with RED hair! Now, in my little 10 year old mind, I knew that she was trying to be like me, and I wondered why she was that crazy. Who in their right mind would want red hair?? As I got older, I became proud of my hair being so unique. I would have women come up and tell me what a beautiful shade of color it was, and I would just have to say thank you, this is my natural color.

About ten years ago, I started noticing that there was a spot on my scalp, just along my right temple that just starting itching....all the time! I soon learned that I could only use a shampoo for about a month before it would make my temple itch like crazy. One day, as I was brushing my hair, looking into the mirror, I noticed that in that spot, the hair looked a little lighter....I just shrugged it off thinking it was just the lighting in the bathroom.

Now...I am not a vain person, and I actually despise my looks. Every time I look in the mirror, I think I look like a man in drag. I know that sounds horrible....I have a long narrow face...not something you see very often on women. When I have my hair cut short....I really look like a man in drag....seriously.....That's not me being self-conscious, I've actually had people tell me that. Well, maybe not tell me, but agree with me when I say it.

So....back to my story....since I really don't care to look at myself, it took me about a month to really look in the mirror again. My "itchy spot" - the hair was completely blonde. So, here I was with dark auburn hair and a blonde streak at my temple. It actually looked kinda cool! Trying to figure out why my hair was doing that, I convinced myself that it was a bizarre birth mark that suddenly "activated" when I was in my mid-thirties. Because, what else could it be???

Well, my cool blonde streak - ten years later - I have blonde hair......my whole head. Now, I will admit that some of it is white (red-heads don't turn grey - they turn white) but for the most part, my hair is blonde. I even have my family accusing me of dying it blonde. In reality, I've been trying to dye it back red! I asked my doctor once why my hair was turning blonde....he said it was from the sun. Really?? Because I don't really go into the sun a lot.

What I am now wondering....is this from my mast cell disorder? Or is this just a freak thing? Or is it from something else? Having this "problem", not knowing how it will affect you, not knowing a set of symptoms (since everyone is different) and not knowing what causes it....every time something happens to me, I wonder if it is because of the MCD.....

Maybe science needs to take our bodies when we die and test us...maybe they will find a cure....maybe they will find what causes it in the first place and keep it from happening to other people....wouldn't that be amazing???!!!!!