Ever have those days where you just feel all alone with no where to turn?
Well, I'm having that now. I feel like no one takes me or this stupid illness seriously. I'm so angry but I can't put it into words that anyone can understand. The people I love have no idea how scared I am out how to help me. My best friend avoids me...our at least that's what it feels like. My husband refuses to talk about this stupid disease, because if we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.
No one understands how alone and afraid I am. Yes, I belong to a forum of people that share this disease, but they aren't here so I can cry on their shoulder. They offer advice and try to lift me up, but they don't know me. They just know of my struggles with this retarded illness that no one understands how it works.
Sometimes I think people think I'm making the whole thing up. Sometimes I think people don't care if it takes my life. Sometimes I think they wouldn't even notice if I was suddenly gone.
I don't want to feel this way. I want to live my life without any cares. But that's not what God has in store for me. I know He is working through me and that one day, I will help someone else who struggles with the same problem I have. I know this because He's done it before. That's how I met and became friends with Lisa. She became my best friend and we've shared so much. I know she wants to be there for me, but she has her own family, her own problems, and her own struggles that I can't understand.
I may not ever be cured. I may die from this disease. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let it break my spirit.
This too shall pass. Just keep saying, this too shall pass.
I SOooooooooooooooooooooo can relate to this. Don't give up. People don't get it and it's awful. Yes it's a weird disease but people need to get over it and recognize you are suffering and terrified. Don't give up!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anaphylaxing! I had a conversation with my husband last night, because he refuses to talk about my disease. He finally admitted that he thinks I'm a hypochondriac. That hurt more than anything in the world. He said he kind of believes me, but part of him thinks I'm making things up so that I can get sympathy. Thing is, he's been there for most of my reactions. He said the fact that I've gone so long without anything happening (a year and a half) makes him think that I'm not having issues right now, but that I'm "wanting" to have issues....He said he would try and be more understanding.....we shall see.
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